How Our Bodies Remember Anniversaries of Trauma: The Anniversary Effect
For anyone that has experienced a traumatic event, you know that it’s often not a one-time experience.
Unless you’re particularly fortunate, the anniversary of a traumatic event can be even more painful than the trauma itself.
There’s a certain unique feeling of dread that washes over you when you realize your trauma anniversary is quickly approaching. It’s almost a mix between wishing you could stop time to avoid it, but simultaneously wishing you could speed it up to get it over with as quickly as possible.
Either way, the anniversary of a painful experience is unavoidable, but there are healthy ways to make it through.
What Is The Anniversary Effect?
The anniversary effect is an increase in distressing, unsettling, and difficult emotions that arise on, or near the anniversary of a traumatic event.
The exact date itself may cause painful emotions to arise, but the previous weeks leading up to an anniversary may cause the person to suffer well beforehand.
For example, a mother who lost her son on Christmas Eve may experience extreme anniversary trauma the second holiday decorations begin flooding department stores.
Dates serve as a strong reminder for many survivors of trauma, and intrusive memories may seem to come on stronger and more vivid around the anniversary of an event.
Symptoms of the anniversary effect can look like a marked increase in unpleasant emotions such as anger, despair, resentment, irritability, heartache, and sorrow. In addition, flashbacks, memories, dreams, and reflections are heightened. Other physical symptoms such as difficulty sleeping and loss of appetite can occur.
Since anniversaries are unavoidable, this can make days or weeks out of the year extremely difficult for some.
Why Does The Anniversary Effect Occur?
In many situations, our bodies hold on to traumatic memories as a way to protect us in the future. Many unpleasant memories of traumatic events highlight the danger we once faced so that we take the proper precautions to avoid those situations again.
For example, someone that was assaulted while walking home late at night may subconsciously hold on to that traumatic memory as a way to protect themself from ever making that decision twice.
Some psychologists even view anniversary trauma as a symptom of PTSD. There has been backlash over this classification though, with others arguing it’s extremely normal to feel sadness, irritability, or bitterness around the time of a traumatic anniversary. However, the emotions associated with anniversary trauma can be incredibly distressing and have been known to show similarities of PTSD symptoms.
How Long Does The Anniversary Effect Last?
This question is unique to each individual. Anniversary grief is a spectrum.
Some people may never experience it, while others may become so unnerved by a traumatic anniversary they require hospitalized care.
Depending on the circumstances of trauma, the painful emotions may begin to arise as early as weeks beforehand. Feelings of grief may increase in intensity right before and naturally be at their peak the day of, however, many people begin to feel better after a few days.
Typically, the relief of passing through it, and ‘weathering the storm’ is enough to allow survivors to breathe a little easier as soon as the very next day.
Short-Term Solutions For Anniversary Trauma
While you can’t stop the clock from ticking, and from one day turning into the next, there are a few ways you can take control of your emotions when your anniversary arrives.
Show Yourself Grace: The anniversary of a traumatic event is already difficult enough, but talking down on yourself for being upset will only make things worse. Allow yourself to acknowledge that this day is particularly difficult, and embrace any feelings that may arise, even if they are uncomfortable. As you sit with your sadness, you allow yourself to heal from it.
Call Or Visit A Friend: Understand you do not have to go through this day alone. If you have any close friends or family you can communicate with, this will ease the burden of feeling like you’re carrying the weight of this day by yourself. If you have a support system, use it.
Treat Yourself: This may sound silly, but treating yourself on this particular day is an easy, tangible way to show yourself a little extra love. Take the day off of work if you can, and enjoy your favorite restaurant, go shopping, get a manicure, or simply spend it with the ones you love. This day of all days, do something that makes your heart happy.
Long-Term Solutions For Anniversary Trauma
As difficult as the day will be, it’s incredibly unhealthy to avoid it completely. Avoiding trauma and grief only allows it to fester and grow bigger, making the next year even harder. Each year as the weeks lead up to the anniversary, there are practical precautionary steps you can take to lessen the blow, in a healthy way. Feel free to use these techniques each year until you no longer feel as though you need to (but if you never get to that point, that’s completely okay too).
Plan Ahead: When the anniversary begins to get closer, start to plan your day out. Sitting at home doing nothing is a breeding ground for negative thoughts to run wild. Plan out your day, even if it’s something as simple as taking your dog for a walk. You can even plan out if you’re going to make any phone calls to your support system or plan out what meals you’re going to cook for yourself that day. No matter how big or small, it prevents any unwanted silence alone with your heavy heart.
Prepare Yourself Beforehand: Sometimes, anniversaries of trauma are so incredibly difficult to pass through you find yourself unable to do basic tasks such as cooking, cleaning, or eating. Preparing yourself days before can help immensely. Cook meals that you can place in the freezer, take a shower the day or 2 before, and ensure you’re stocked up on dry shampoo. Clean your house prior to avoid feeling even worse for not getting basic household chores done. By preparing yourself for this day you’re acknowledging the fact you know it’s going to be hard, but allowing yourself the proper care to make it through.
Work With A Therapist: There are grief counselors specially trained to work with you through any emotions or memories that may arise due to anniversary trauma. Talking about your experience with a professional can help you not only make it through the day but can guide you through the healing process. A trained grief counselor can teach you coping mechanisms and techniques that you can utilize every year after.
Anniversary Trauma Is Difficult, But Normal
It’s completely normal to feel dread leading up to a day you wish you could skip over entirely.
It’s completely normal to experience every emotion under the sun when you’re being forced to replay old memories in your head.
However, anniversary trauma does not last forever.
It’s important to remember this when you’re experiencing the height of it all. If you’re approaching an anniversary of a difficult date keep your support system close, take care of yourself, and practice patience and grace for every feeling that may arise.